Wednesday, October 31, 2012


the chiffon diary
Today, through my boredom at work, I stumbled across Nicholl at The Chiffon Diary.  She does a post called "The Fact is" and I wanted to partake in the fun!
  • Fact: This morning when I left for work, there was frost on the ground.  No bueno.  Whoever invented garages, you're a genius my friend.  Here's to my first winter of not having to scrape my windows :)
  • Fact: These 2 have my heart.  The whole thing.  Last night, as I was trying to fall asleep, I looked over at my two sleeping beauties and was overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude.  Words cant express how lucky I feel to be able to call them mine.
  • Fact: Nursing school has totally gotten the best of me.  I am totally and completely burnt out.  Finals are next week and I am sooo excited to put these classes behind me!
  • Fact: The hubs and I made a deal: for every A I get, we get to go an a date, my choice.  Welp, an 89% is failing.  I know, I know!  Can you see how I'd feel burnt out?! So the jokes on him- looks like I'll be going on 2 dates in the  near future!
  • Fact: I bought the Taylor Swift cd the day it came out and it has been playing nonstop in my car since then.  Don't judge, its good
  • Fact: I'm obsessed with this tea.  Love it.  Try it, I dare you

  • Fact: It's Halloween!  I'm convinced I have the cutest Tigger ever.  As soon as I'm done with clinicals today, I'm picking him up from daycare and our night o' fun begins!  First, were gonna stop by the nursing home so I can show him off to all my new friends and then were gonna make our way around the neighborhood.  Our furry friend Zeus doesn't have a costume but I'll still let him come.  The photo is from Zoo Boo last Saturday.  It was an event held at the zoo where you paid to get in and walked around to various vendors for candy.  Sadly, none of the animals were out and I felt like it was a total waste of money.  There was however, a life-sized Elmo and that made little man's day.  So I guess it was worth every penny

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Seeking a Higher Power

One thing that has always seemed a mystery to me is going to church.  Growing up, my family never went.  Unlike most of my peers, I never attended Sunday school or got confirmed.  The older I got, the more insecure I felt.  I hated when my friends were going through confirmation because they would talk about it and I would do the whole smile and nod thing, having absolutely no idea what they were talking about.  I feel so uneducated and misinformed when it comes to church and God in general.
After my son was born, I felt like I was constantly, mainly by my husband's mother, being asked when he was going to get baptised.  I seriously put it off for as long as possible.  Not because I didn't want him baptised, but because I didn't even know where to begin.  Would I just call a church?  What if they asked a lot of questions?  One thing that was a major factor in my nervousness is that I was raised "Catholic".  In my eyes (and this is only my opinion, feel free to disagree), Catholic is the most strict religion.  I feel as though there is so much to remember and so many hoops to jump through that I got super overwhelmed every time I even thought about it.
My husband's grandparents attend a Methodist church in town and we had gone with them a couple of times to church.  One day, I went onto their website and emailed someone about getting Jett baptised.  She was so helpful and approachable that it almost felt like I was talking to a good friend.  We went through with getting him baptized and try to attend church as often as possible.  We don't make it every Sunday, but we do our best to get there. 
Every Wednesday, Lexy (the girl I originally talked to) sends out emails with information about the church.  Last week, in her email, it said something about classes coming up for new members if anyone was interested.  Right away, I knew this was something I wanted to do.  I wasn't sure how my husband would feel about it though.  Actually, I knew he wouldn't want to do it.  However, without giving him the time to talk me out of it, I replied to her email and said that we will be there.  There are 3 classes, about an hour and a half each.  I really hope that my hubby will be coming with me but if not, I am still going to do it on my own. 
So, I am excited to say that for the first time, at the age of 24, I am going to be a member of a church!  What does being a member all entail?  Does it require you to do things?  If so, what?  How often?  Are you required to 'donate' or pay money?  I have no answers to these questions.  However, I cant wait to find out. 

Monday, October 15, 2012

New Hair

For a very long time, I've been wanting to cut my hair short.  First, I was waiting to do it after my wedding.  However, that was 6 months ago.  I scoured Pinterest looking for inspiration but its so hard for me to look at pictures of someone else and imagine how their hairstyle would look on me.  Also, I hate taking a picture into a stylist with the hopes of leaving looking like it, because it never happens and then disappointment sets in.  Unless you have the exact same hair texture and color, its going to look different.  And, who wants to look exactly like someone else?! I sure don't!
Last Tuesday, I had a hair appointment.  I seriously go to the best hair stylist ever.  I love that I finally found someone that I have so much confidence in.  It sounds silly, but hair is such an important component in the way we look that its scary to completely change it!  Yes, I know that hair grows back, but that can take a long time!
I told Brittany that I wanted my hair just past my shoulders, able to be put into a ponytail, and lots of layers.  I also told her I wanted to dye it dark brown, close to my natural color. 
 Originally, I wanted to dye my hair myself.  After posting about it on facebook though, my friends convinced me out of it this time.  One of my gal pals that is a hair stylist informed me that because my highlights were so light, there was a possibility that they would turn green.  Gross.  So, I left it up to Brittany to give me brown hair, not green.  Dying hair is so expensive and I'm looking for ways to save money now that I'm not only a college student, but also a mother.  Lately it seems like my money is spent on bills and that's it.  Therefore, the task of keeping up highlights just isn't an option for me anymore.  Once I'm done with school and working, I would like to go back to them, I just need a cheaper option for right now. 
My hair had to be dyed a little darker than I had hoped but Brittany assured me that this is only temporary.  She said it needed to be darker since its so light, it will fade real bad in about a week.  Honestly, I cant wait for that fading to happen.  From now on I'm going to dye my hair myself, now that its all one uniform color. 
Honestly, I was terrified to chop my hair.  I thought about it all day, playing that game in mind where 2 voices in my head talk about it back and forth.  I knew that before I thought about it too much , my hair needed to be cut.  For the record, I love it.  Its such a nice change and I will definitely appreciate the fact that it will take way less time to style.
I do look quite different though.  At first, I felt like I was a spy in hiding or something.  I went to pick my son up from daycare that day and he gave me the strangest look, it was so cute.  You could tell he was like "you sound like my mommy but you don't look like her!"
Anyways, I'm rambling.  Time for some pictures:

Friday, October 12, 2012

If You Really Knew Me

My husbands aunt is going through a divorce and has been looking for a new place to live.  Right now she is torn between a house and an apartment, both having their pros and cons in her mind.  As we were talking, I got to thinking how I could never live in a house all by myself.  I would be terrified!!  I have an irrational fear of being home alone.  When I was younger and we lived in Minneapolis, we didn't live in the best neighborhood.  Our house was broken into several times and once, our garage was started on fire.  We moved to a suburb when I was in the fifth grade but I think this is the reason I'm so scared: I've witnessed first hand how cruel people can be in the world.  I am so afraid that someone will come into my house and I wont be able to protect myself.  I know its quite silly that an almost 25 year old is so scared of this, but its true!  I absolutely hate being home alone.  My husband plays darts on Tuesday nights and I dread those nights when he wont be home for a couple hours.  (side note: I'm fine being home alone during the day, I love it actually.  Its just the night that I don't like, when my imagination gets the best of me).  When we moved into our house, my brother-in-law moved into our basement.  At first, I wasn't sure I would enjoy sharing my house and once again, have a 'roommate' like I did in college.  Turns out, I love it because I don't get so freaked out knowing there is someone else home with me.  Finally, my husband can go to darts or out with his friends without my constant texting wondering when he will be home.
So there is a little fun fact for ya!  Here's a couple more:

If you really knew me:
- You would know that I would eat candy all day long if I could
-That I love school
-That I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom (even though I know I would be bored out of mind after a month)
-I love pizza.  And broccoli, but my hubby hates broccoli so I rarely get to eat it
-As I've gotten older, I've noticed I have less friends, but the ones in my life are great friends.  I no longer feel the need to be surrounded by a group of people that I only pretend to like
-My favorite thing to do on the weekends is go to garage sales with my little man- we always find the best treasures!
-A lot of people don't understand how I can handle being a mother, wife, nursing student, and work 2 jobs, but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I know what I want in life and I also know that I will need to put in some hard work to get those things
-I wish I had more time to explore a creative outlet
-I could spend hours on Pinterest
-I'm really interested in fashion and makeup.  Now if only I could learn to wake up to my alarm clock instead of hitting snooze 5 times, my appearance would show that
-I'm scheduled to work 14 hours today.. yikes

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Workin on my Fitness

Happy Wednesday to you :)
After my wedding (almost 6 months ago) I went on a workout hiatus.  Pretty much stopped working out completely.  It's bad.  I just no longer have any motivation!!
Everyday, I tell myself tomorrow will be the day I'll start working out, but it never happened.  Last week, as I was getting dressed, I reached my breaking point.  I could barely button my jeans!  (I can hardly believe I'm confessing this to the world!)
I have some friends who are BeachBody trainers and have purchased some of their programs.  I really enjoyed Brazilian Butt Lift but to be honest, my butt is not the part of my body that needs to be targeted.  I got TurboFire as a gift from my husband last mother's day.  This program is not cheap.  At all.  But all my friends had been raving about how awesome it is and that the time goes by so fast because you actually enjoy doing the workout.  I tried it once and hated it.  I tried it again last week, and still hated it.  My friend told me I just needed to keep doing it and I would get the hang of it.  Feeling discouraged, I took her advice.  I wanted soo badly to like this.  Unfortunately, I still hate it.  I should back up a step and explain why I hate it:  I cant keep up.  It is way too "dance-y" for me.  In high school, I was always into sports, but I was never into girly things like dancing.  Frankly, I have no rhythm and no matter how hard I try, my body wont move like its supposed to!  So here I would be, standing in front my TV, watching the moves, but unable to do them myself.  I would finally figure it out, and the girl would be onto something else.  For me, this was soo frustrating!!
I had a revelation the other day.  I realized why I ha vent been working out: I don't like BeachBody programs. and that's okay!  So many people love them, but surely I'm not the first person to admit that I hate them.  There are so many girls in this town that are doing them and promoting them though, that I felt like I had to do them.  I forgot that there are a million other ways to exercise.  I took my dislike for these programs and turned it into a dislike for working out. 
I always have a hard time knowing what exactly to do for exercise and like to have someone to lead me, which is why I chose to go with TV programs in the first place.  I've printed out a couple different workouts online and will be trying those. 
My dear friend, Emily, works at PureBarre and I want soo badly to try that.  I am so eager to jump on bandwagons!  I am the person infomercials are targeted at: talk about something for 10 minutes and you've got me hooked, I want it!  I'm so hesitant to buy a DVD though because I don't want it to be a waste of money like TurboFire was. 
I've listed my TurboFire on EBay and told myself once it sells, I can buy something else with the money.  Until then, I'll continue with my printouts.  I feel like at least I'm on the right track now though because it doesn't really matter what you're doing as long as you're moving!!

Friday, October 5, 2012

The Little Things

The other night at work (yes, I work nights now.  Maybe I need to do a little life update?) I was chatting with my new friend Tammy and she made me listen to this new Taylor Swift song, Ronan.  After the first 30 seconds, I wanted to stop it.  Not that it wasn't good, but because I felt like I could start crying and that's bad news for everyone.  I'm not a pretty cryer.  At all.  I save that for when I'm alone.  Anyways, I didn't want to be rude so I listened to the entire song.  If you've never heard it, go to youtube, now.  Its the saddest song I've ever heard about a little boy with cancer that she wrote for Stand Up to Cancer.  Something about that song compelled me.  I couldn't stop thinking about it and my heart just ached for the mother of that sweet boy.  I cannot even begin to imagine what that would feel like to have to go through and I pray my loved ones will never have to go through such a thing. 
When I got home from work, I still couldn't stop thinking about it.  I googled his name and came across a NY Times article and through that, learned that his mom had written a blog of the entire experience.  Taylor had followed the blog and with the mother's permission, had used many of her words in the song.  So naturally, I had to check out this blog.  I sat and read probably 50 of the entries.  I just couldn't tear myself away.  Finally, at 2 in the morning with tears streaming down my cheeks, I decided it was time to go to bed. 
That was almost a week ago, and I still cant stop thinking about it.  If I had the finances, I would most definitely contribute to children's cancer.  However, I don't.  Maybe someday I will :)
Anyways, while reading her story, I felt compelled to grab my baby and just hold him tight in my arms.  He is the light of my life and I cant even fathom him being taken from me. 
Yesterday, I got done with school at noon and picked up Jett.  I had my day planned out perfectly.  He was going to take a nap and I was going to get all my cleaning done and then we were going to walk to the park where he and Zeus would play while I did the rest of my homework.  We got home and I laid him in his crib and he didn't even make a peep.  Normally, nap time is an awful experience in the Engen house because he will cry and scream and my heart just breaks.  I have this mental debate each time: 'should I go get him?  No, he needs to sleep, he will stop eventually.  Is something wrong with him?  No, he knows his mama is a softy and will come take him out.'
I did a little victory dance and thought this was too good to be true.  I then got started making lunch for my hubby and then he came home and we sat at the table, just the two of us.  This is something that never happens in our lives anymore, and it was so nice, except for the fact that it wasn't long enough.  He left and I begun to do the dishes when all of a sudden I heard a piercing scream.  My little man was up, he was done with nap time.  A little annoyed because it had only been 45 minutes, I went into his room.  I scooped him into my arms and the tears instantly stopped.  It amazes me how the second I hold him, he always stops crying.  This is probably the best feeling in the world as a mom, knowing how much your baby needs you.  We sat on the couch for a little bit, him eating a granola bar, watching cartoons on TV.  Knowing that I had a long to do list, this was killing me.  Every time I tried to set him down, he would scream and cry and want to be held.  We went through this a couple of times and finally I realized, he wasn't going to watch TV on his own.  We then moved to the floor.  Me sitting cross-legged with him in the middle, playing with toys.  After a couple of minutes I set him on the floor in front of me.  He was fine.  I was behind him, he couldn't even see me so if I got up, he wouldn't even notice, right? wrong.  I slowly stood and crept into the kitchen.  I didn't even make it to the sink before he was crying again.  How did he even notice I wasn't there anymore?!
I reluctantly came back into the room and picked him up.  We were standing by the window and outside, he could see all the trucks fixing our road.  he pointed and giggled an proceeded to talk his jibberish.  He was clearly fascinated by these trucks.  We stood there and watched the trucks for a good half hour.  In the midst of all this, my annoyance went away.  Yes, I had a pile of dishes to do and an even bigger heap of laundry.  Yes, I had a lot of homework that I needed to catch up on.  But the dishes, laundry, and homework would all still be there.  A little boy who wants nothing more than to hang out with his mama, will not.  There will come a day when he thinks I'm dumb and hes too cool for me.  I dread when that day comes.  For now, I just need to slow down and be grateful for the little things.  I didn't accomplish anything on my to do list.  I did, however, get to spend the day with my baby and that makes me smile.
Jersey Shore started last night, a show my husband and I always watch together.  After Jett went to bed though, instead of sitting my butt on the couch and watching, I finished my to do list.  After all, Jett is way more important than the people on Jersey Shore.

Friday, July 20, 2012


This cute little guy is mine.  And I am seriously in love with him.  We've never met.  I can, however, assure you that him and Jett will be BFF.  Jett loves dogs and I am so excited that he will finally get to have his own.  I cant wait to see the look on Jett's when they meet.  We get to pick him up tonight.  7:30 to be exact.  We are going to have an extremely busy night.  We have a wedding tonight at 5:00 and right after the wedding we will need to be on our way for this little guy because he is an hour and a half away.  I can barely contain my excitement.

Another fun thing for the weekend- I am going golfing with my hubby on Sunday.  We have never gone golfing together and I haven't been golfing in at least 2 years.  This will be interesting to say the least.  I just hope he has enough patience to watch me whiff the ball a time or 20.  I am sure I will have pictures to follow :)

Have a fabulous weekend!