Monday, April 9, 2012

Decisions..

My wedding is 10 days away!!! 6 months ago, I thought of all these things I wanted to happen before my big day.  I wanted to whiten my teeth, quit biting my nails, lose 15 pounds, and get a nice base tan going.  Well, the whitening solution hurts my teeth so I had to stop that, I've been under so much stress my nails are as stubby as ever, and the tan and weightloss arent up to par either.
So, yesterday, I was debating what I wanted to do.  I go tanning in the beds at Anytime Fitness and I cant go into the gym and only go tanning.  I just cant bring myself to do that.  Embarassing.  So I here I was weighing my options: either do my Brazilian Butt Lift and not go tanning, or go to the gym to workout and tan.  I figured the latter was the better choice, since I'd be able to accomplish 2 things at one time.  Boy was I ever wrong.  Its been awhile since I've worked out in the gym and last night made me realize why: I need direction in my workouts.  When doing a video, I have someone telling me what to do, pushing me until the end.  In the gym, I'm all on my own. 
I stepped onto the treadmill planning to do sprint intervals.  I started up the machine at a walking pace, put in my headphones, and pushed play on my Ipod.  Dead.  The screen wouldnt even light up.  Not one to give up easily, I plugged my headphones into my Iphone and went to Youtube.  I searched workout playlists.  Nothing longer than 3 minutes came up.  I tried to think of a good pump-up song to get me through my run.  My mind was blank.  I had gone to the gym with a time limit in mind.  I wanted to be  home in time to put my son to bed.  Now that I had just wasted almost 10 minutes, still walking at a slow pace, I decided I needed to get on with my run.  I planned to do my sprints for 25 minutes.  I lasted 20.  Including the 10 minutes I had spent walking.  I had never tried to do it before and I dont think I will ever again: running in silence is pure torture.  All I could think of was how bored I was.  I looked at the time every 10 seconds it felt like.  By this time I had lost all the motivation I had when I left for the gym.  I contemplated what I wanted to do next.  I chose to go tanning.  After my tan, I decided I should get home because it was getting late. 
I walked in the door and Jett had already fallen asleep.  He woke me up around 1 in the morning and we rocked together in the chair with a bottle.  As I was sitting there, I thought what a waste my evening had turned into.  My workout (if you could even call it that) was pathetic.  I was in the tanning bed a tad too long and my skin was now pink.  And I wasnt able to say goodnight to my baby.  But, for once, I chose not to dwell on these things and remember that tomorrow is another day.  My teeth might not be quite as white as I had hoped and I wont look as amazing in my bikini as I had pictured.  But I'm getting married for a reason; Matt loves me just the way I am.  Love handles and all.  Maybe I'll lose the weight by our one year anniversary. 
One things for sure: tonight I will be doing BBL rather than the gym.  My skin needs a break from the bulbs anyways. 






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